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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion
My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?
The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..
Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?
I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo
I Need You
There are those days
That I can't believe how lucky I am to have you,
And then there are the days
That I have no clue how someone as crazy as you
Could have stolem my heart.
No matter what,
I could never fall out of love with you.
There's always that small part in my heart
That belongs to you and only you.
No one else can compare
To your electric blue eyes
Or your never ending humor,
Or even you confidence in everything you do.
Like the blazing sun,
You could never be replaced...
Yet you can't see how badly
I need you to take that step,
That leap of trust that I need
Your arms wrapped around me,
Holding me as if you
My heart is tearing
My soul is withering
My mind is straining
Because of my worry
About our future...
My mind tells me to be happy,
To be glad that you just might accomplish the impossible,
To encourage you to go for your dreams,
Even if those dreams don't involve me...
My heart tells me it's throbbing,
It's hurt beyond any help,
Because a life without you
Would shred it all to pieces...
My soul is at war with itself,
Knowing you could never give up such an opportunity
Yet terrified of that slightest possibility
That you will easily forget me and that love we share...
"If you love something,
Set it free.
If it comes back t
Your love for me,
Encompassed my heart,
Persuaded me to believe you
And fall for your dirty little tricks.
My trust for you,
Was something you didn't deserve.
I believed all your empty promises
And hallow words without a second thought.
Of knowing you were mine,
Knowing you thought I was the one for you,
Or so I so ignorantly believed
As you told me day after day.
So twisted yet so convincing,
Each fabrication poisoning my heart,
Without me noticing.
A gift to you,
So delicate and fragile,
Yet you threw it to the ground
And laughed as it shattered before your feet.
Days pass on like years
Without you by my side,
Life feels so dull
Without your mesmerizing eyes and goofy smile,
My heart pains with aching
Without the never- ending joy I have when I see you...
Missing your jokes,
The way you look at me with those eyes,
The way you talk to me,
The way you tell me how important I am to you,
The way you tell me that you love me...
It all points to being love struck,
But I'm scared to trust you,
To love you back,
To be open with you in a way I never have with anyone before....
You promise that you'll never leave me,
You promise that you'll love me forever,
You promise that you'l
They Don't Know
Black as pure darkness,
Glistening in the moonlight,
The wind tossing it in every direction,
A most dazzling, electric blue,
Twinkling ever so gently,
Like lightning during a calm storm,
The sight so mesmerizing.
With the lightest olive tone,
And her hands,
So dainty, and delicate,
Both as perfect as an angel's.
The most gorgeous gown seen,
Secretly drawing out her look of youth,
Yet showing off her best features,
The lightest colors transforming her into a beautiful fairy of the forest.
Envied by others,
But if only they knew...
A never end
Why do I wish you were right next to me?
Soothing me and my unsettling sorrow,
Saving me and my soul that has disintegrated into almost nothing,
Loving me until my heart no longer pains me?
No, need you,
And the feel of your arms wrapped around me,
The sight of your mesmerizing blue eyes gazing into mine,
And your hair glimmering like gold in the sunlight.
The sight of you,
And the sound of your comforting voice,
Is my only possible cure for this disease,
They're the only stoppers of my tears.
Can your smile save me from this confusing game called life?
Where each day's agony piles,
One after the other,
Until all t
I never thought
That you would be the one
To hold my heart.
To mend and heal
The cracks and scars,
To glue it together
Piece by piece.
Love is a disease
That has come too close to killing me before.
It infected me,
With every false statement of love,
Shattering my fragile heart.
My past love,
My last prince,
Left me grasping on a strand of hope,
Pleading for help,
Waiting for something, anything,
To save me.
And then it came.
It all rescued me,
And tended to my broken soul.
And at that moment,
With butterflies fluttering in me,
That I've n
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More